| # -*- coding: utf-8 -*- |
| ''' |
| Copyright (C) 2012-2015 Diego Torres Milano |
| Created on Jul 6, 2015 |
| |
| Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); |
| you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. |
| You may obtain a copy of the License at |
| |
| http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 |
| |
| Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software |
| distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, |
| WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. |
| See the License for the specific language governing permissions and |
| limitations under the License. |
| |
| @author: Diego Torres Milano |
| |
| ''' |
| import random |
| import subprocess |
| import platform |
| import sys |
| import time |
| |
| __author__ = 'diego' |
| __version__ = '11.5.9' |
| |
| DEBUG = True |
| |
| class Concertina: |
| osName = platform.system() |
| ''' The OS name. We sometimes need specific behavior. ''' |
| isLinux = (osName == 'Linux') |
| isDarwin = (osName == 'Darwin') |
| |
| PHRASES = [ |
| "Chicken Wings grow on trees", |
| "Carrot sticks help the mind think", |
| "Farts cause neurological damage", |
| "Jennifer Lopez is a Man (only on Tuesday)", |
| "That... Is what she said", |
| "Make me a sandwich", |
| "King Kongs brother was a Rabbit... Hmmm", |
| "Tuesday, thats when it will all begin", |
| "Rulers, do they rule the world?", |
| "Can a pen write without writing it down.", |
| "The iPod is a gigantic hummer", |
| "A calculator can save the world. Just press \"On\"", |
| "Cell phones... Do they have cells in them?", |
| "A battery can produce random flashes and generate helium. Doubtful", |
| "A flash drive produces no flash what so ever", |
| "A card can be a type of a pickle, if its a pickle card", |
| "just a minute", |
| "wait for me", |
| "it was silent", |
| "chaos reigned", |
| "be on time", |
| "get away from me", |
| "Hold that thought", |
| "settle down", |
| "by the light of the street lamp", |
| "slippers soaked from the heavy dew", |
| "haunted by the oddly familiar musid", |
| "The 'poke' button on facebook is awesome...\nBut I think there should be a 'stab' button...", |
| # |
| # Was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS |
| # the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it. |
| # |
| # Ayone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree. |
| # |
| # Text someone and tell them "Hey, I lost my phone, can you call it?" and see how many people call it |
| # |
| # Bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless! |
| # |
| # Don't you hate it when you're texting and laying on your back and your phone decides to be a ninja, slips through your fingers, and attacks your face! |
| # |
| # Robin Hood was a thief, Mario gets high off of Mushrooms, Snow White lived with 7 men, Sleeping Beauty always slept in, and our parents wonder why WE are bad! |
| # |
| # In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Grim Reaper costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word |
| # |
| # "You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror." |
| # |
| # Dares you to go outside, throw a rock at your car and yell "like a good neighbor statefarm is there!" |
| # |
| # My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it |
| # |
| # Pshhhh I did not fall... The floor looked at me funny so I used my mad ninja skills to attack |
| # |
| # My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them 2 FOCUS (F*** Off Cuz Ur Stupid) |
| # |
| # Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason! |
| # |
| # Have you ever started laughing for no reason, then started laughing even harder because you were laughing for no reason? I Love those moments. |
| # |
| # Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "ninjas cannot be found" Well played, ninjas, well played |
| # |
| # What the voices in my head tell me to do would get me arrested in all 50 states and 26 countries |
| # |
| # Stalking is such a strong word ~ I prefer to think of it more as 'intense research' on one individual ~ By the way, your missing sock is under your bed, with me |
| # |
| # I think my guardian angel is bipolar |
| # |
| # WARNING: I have officially been left unsupervised. I take no responsibility for what may happen in the next few hours. |
| # |
| # I didn't trip, I... I was... uh... just... uh... checking the gravity! |
| # Yeah! Just so you know, it's all good, it still works. |
| # |
| # I dare someone to kidnap me as soon as my meds wear off..they'll pay me to leave! |
| # |
| # I wonder if its bad when I'm talking to myself and I'm not even listening |
| # |
| # I'm going out to look for myself, if you see me before i return, please tell myself to call me so i know where i am. |
| # |
| # I know what your doing,I'm watching u do this, if your wondering what your doing i would know,wanna know what your doing? you reading my status you stalker! |
| # |
| # This year I'm using big words to sound smart... Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence. |
| # |
| # Y'know those signs you see in towns that say, "Drive careful, we love our children". DUH, you're not gonna see a sign that says, "GUN IT, WE'LL MAKE MORE!" |
| # |
| # No officer, I did not hit her, I simply Fist Pumped her face! |
| # |
| # I like throwing Skittles at people and shouting TASTE THE RAINBOW!! but it's more fun to throw tacos at people yelling ' THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN!! |
| # |
| # I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away |
| # |
| # Like a weird neighbor, stalkers are there! |
| # |
| # Some people were dropped as a baby |
| # . YOU were clearly thrown at a wall. Then feed a bottle of wacko-o juice! |
| # |
| # Do you ever find yourself really bored so you go on Facebook |
| # yet you find that there is nothing to do except refresh the page until something new pops up? |
| # |
| # OK think of a number. Add 12 to the number. Subtract 2. Divide that number by 5. Add 20. Did you get 12? Neither did I. |
| # I just wanted to see if you would do it! |
| # |
| # im going to get a job at walmart as a greeter |
| # and my words of welcome will be "Welcome to freaking walmart! Get ur sh*t and get the hell out!!" |
| # |
| # Brunette:When I grow up, I'LL GO TO MARS. |
| # Blondie:When I grow up I'LL GO TO THE SUN. |
| # Brunette:But you will burn! |
| # Blondie:Don't be stupid, I'll go at night |
| # |
| # If somebody throws skittles at me and yells "TASTE THE RAINBOW", |
| # I'm gonna throw a 2 liter bottle of Dr.Pepper and yell "TRUST ME I'M THE DOCTOR |
| # |
| # a few days ago I very sternly told the voices in my head to stop talking to me. |
| # Now they are sending me txt mgs say that they r sorry and want to get back2gethr |
| # |
| # things to do at Walmart: hide behind teddy bears and make evil laughing noises when little kids come by |
| # |
| # Ever feel like beating someone with a baseball bat to the point of almost unconsciousness, then setting them on fire? No? Just me? |
| # |
| # I'm not crazy.. don't you judge me! Your just jealous cause i get texts from the flying gummy bears and you don't! |
| # |
| # i saw a flying cow yesterday. it was purple and i named him Phillip...i wish the dancing unicorn had seen him but she was too busy laughing at Steve the snake |
| # |
| # i was sitting there when i got attacked by the purple hedgehogs, neon dragons, and glow-in-the-dark leprechauns that kid-napped the unicorn and strawberry king |
| # |
| # I have decided to stop pretending and just be that ninja with the magical penguins and dinosaurs and unicorns that everyone KNOWS I am. |
| # |
| # Have you ever tried walking into Walmart and yelling red robin! and seeing how many people say YUM red robin, red robin, come on just say yum! |
| # |
| # Things to do at Walmart #365: bring or take a tent, set it up in a camping supplies corner, and camp out for the weekend until they kick you out! |
| # |
| # After watching CSI, Cold case, Law & Order, and all those other educational shows, I'm 99% sure I can make sure nobody notices you missing. Just saying... |
| # |
| # I like to call it doing the world a favor. Homicide is just the technical term |
| # |
| # i think there's something wrong with my guardian angel. |
| # her wings are black and she's sitting with the devil and laughing hysterically at everything and everyone |
| # |
| # I got a special care pkg. in the mail. It had duct tape, a meat tenderizer, |
| # a hole punch and a note saying " don't get caught"! (sigh) I love my friends! |
| # |
| # I find myself meeting people who give me the honor of thinking up new words... Dipshidiot! (dip-shid-iot) |
| # |
| # backwards this read you making am i why exactly is that, never? you to nice been ever I have when since (now read it backwards) |
| # |
| # What happens in an exam : Tik tok , Mind block , Pen stop , Eye pop , Full shock , Jaw drop , Time up , No Luck |
| # |
| # O I dare you to walk up to any officer and say: |
| # I didnt do it I didnt kill her, the assassination wasnt part of the plan.' Then run fast! I bet they'll chase u |
| # |
| # I'm bored & in need of some adventure. I say we get drunk, get stupid, get a stick, go poke something with teeth and see if we can outrun it. |
| # |
| # Why do people always think my friends and I are high? WE'RE NOT ON DRUGS! We're just crazy, and loud, and random, and scooby doo (but that's a different story) |
| # |
| # Smile people will wonder what your up to.But grin like crazy and they will want to know what the hell you just did |
| # |
| # Isn't it funny how everyone thinks they are the normal one in their family? |
| # |
| # For Sale! One used alarm clock. damn thing rings when I am trying to sleep. |
| # |
| # im on my way to Walmart to take the "try me" stickers off the noise making toys and stick them on condom boxes. |
| |
| ] |
| |
| EMAILS = [ |
| "user@example.com", |
| "user@gmail.com", |
| "user@yahoo.com", |
| "user@outlook.com", |
| "user@mail.com", |
| "user@outlook.co.uk", |
| ] |
| |
| PASSWORDS = [ |
| "123456", |
| "password", |
| "12345678", |
| "qwerty", |
| "abc123", |
| ] |
| |
| def __init__(self): |
| pass |
| |
| @staticmethod |
| def getRandomText(): |
| return random.choice(Concertina.PHRASES) |
| |
| @staticmethod |
| def sayRandomText(): |
| text = Concertina.getRandomText() |
| if Concertina.isLinux: |
| if DEBUG: |
| print >> sys.stderr, 'Saying "%s" using festival' % text |
| pipe = subprocess.Popen(['/usr/bin/festival']) |
| pipe.communicate('(SayText "%s")' % text) |
| pipe.terminate() |
| elif Concertina.isDarwin: |
| if DEBUG: |
| print >> sys.stderr, 'Saying "%s"' % text |
| #subprocess.check_call(['/usr/bin/say', 'OK Google']) |
| #time.sleep(2) |
| subprocess.check_call(['/usr/bin/say', text]) |
| |
| @staticmethod |
| def getRandomEmail(): |
| return random.choice(Concertina.EMAILS) |
| |
| @staticmethod |
| def getRandomPassword(): |
| return random.choice(Concertina.PASSWORDS) |
